Teeth

I just got finished watching this film, and I have to admit I enjoyed it more than I thought I was going to.

For those who do not know anything about this film, it's about a teen girl who is a strong advocate for abstinence and wearing the Jonas brothers purity ring. She is prudish, squeaky clean, and way too Doris Day. who can blame her when she has a mother dying of what appears to be cancer (apparently caused by the fact they live next to a nuclear power plant), a father who has no guts to stand up to anyone, and a step brother who torments her because he is actually madly in love with her and can't have sex with her. No wonder she is Ivory Soap on legs.

Well she gets hooked up with this guy she is seriously attracted to at a purity hoedown and they start dating. She wants to take it the next step but nightmarish visions tell her it is wrong. They break up, but then after a blow up in the family she freaks out and runs to her lover boy. They go for a swim, hormones start to wriggle their way through, and the next thing you know he is raping our beloved female protagonist. She screams at him to stop, he doesn't then suddenly CHOMP off goes his penis.

The rest of the film deals with our female lead dealing with this fact as well as her family issue and her own sexual awakening. Plus the fact that she realizes she is inhabiting a legendary myth: Vagina Dentata. Plus, she realizes the power of her pussy and the damage it can cause to anyone who wrongs her.

The film, like I said, surprised me. It honestly had the feel of an exploitation film you would see in the 70s in a drive in or a run down theater. I am sure this film will also cause a few men cross their legs, because while they never show the actual dentata ( a choice I actually liked a lot) they do show the carnage. One moment you are cringing then laughing at how wrong what you are seeing is.

I do recommend checking it out, and this film while it is serious does have a cheese factor to it, which is what made me enjoy it more than I thought.

OK that is all for now but do not worry, I will be back soon with a look at a really cheesy film

John Hughes

What can be said about the man that has not been said already?

I mean yes in his later years he has written some works that are not so memorable (Drillbit Taylor anyone?), but his body of work is filled with some of the most enduring and loved comedies out there today. With that said, I think what got me the most was how well he wrote teenage angst. He got it. He understood exactly what teenagers were going through at that pivotal moment in their lives, and the fact he got it is what impressed me the most about his body of work.

If there is one film of his that stands out the most to me, it is "The Breakfast Club"

I did not see this film when it was first released. I was still a child at the time and my parents felt I would not understand the film. It was not until I was a junior in High School when I finally got to see the film. what blew me away was how what I was seeing was exactly what I was going through in school. I never had a film connect with me as much as this one did. What is amazing even more today about the power of this film is how after over 20 years the film is STILL relevant.

And that is what makes John Hughes a talent to be reckoned with. He brought us films that still have audiences today (National Lampoon's Vacation, Weird Science, Sixteen Candles, Pretty In Pink, Home Alone just to name a few). He will be greatly missed, but his movies will definitely live on.

A non cheesy post: My all time favorite surprise endings

"Orphan" was a big surprise for me. I did not expect to like this film like I did, but the film had me in B Horror Movie bliss. The two things that impressed me most about the film was the acting of Isabella Furhman, but also the ending that you did not see coming at all. And it was an ending that lived up to the hype of being a shock ending.

Too many movies these days boast this claim and when the twist does come, it fails. OOOH IT'S ACTUALLY THE MOTHER WHO IS KILLING! OOH SHE HAS A SPLIT PERSONALITY! OOOOH THEY ARE IN MODERN TIMES AND NOT THE 19TH CENTURY!

Please.

However, there are those films that come around where the ending really makes you go WHAT!?!?! when it happens. This post is a SPOILER FREE post about that (and no, The Crying Game is not on this list because the surprise happened in the middle of the film, not the ending). So here is what I feel are (in no particular order) the 25 best shock twist endings ever (not including "Orphan")

Planet of the Apes (1968)

The Empire Strikes Back

The Usual Suspects

Soylent Green

The Bad Seed

Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?

Million Dollar Baby

The Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)

Se7en

April Fool's Day (1986)

Vertigo

Chinatown

Sleepaway Camp

Psycho

Looking For Mr Goodbar

Stephen King's The Mist

No Way Out

Night Of The Living Dead (1968)

On Her Majesty's Secret Service

The Others

The Stepford Wives (1975)

Rosemary's Baby

Saw

They Shoot Horses, Don't They?

When A Stranger Calls

What are yours?

"The Italian Stallion"

For my first offering of cheese, I am presenting to you a really ripe piece of cinematic cheese known as "The Italian Stallion".

Sylvester Stallone made this film prior to making "Rocky", and it was originally released as a porn called "The Party At Kitty And Stud's". It was edited down and released theatrically after "Rocky" was released, and is one of the most infamous Grindhouse films ever made.

Stallone plays Stud, a horny angry man who decides that he and his girl Kitty, who likes it rough, is going to host a party filled with booze, drugs, dancing, a giant ass mirror, and sex. They decide this after they have sex and after Stud whips Kitty with his belt. The rest of the film is nothing but full frontal unshaven 70s bush on parade, as the most unsexiest people roll around naked doing an arthouse experimental porn film. Complete with a scene containing a woman douching herself. At the end of it all, they roll around on each other then partake in a pagan dance of....something. The exact dance is still unknown.

Isn't that sexy?

Here is the trailer of this cinematic experience.

I do have to tell you though, that the film is painful to sit through. You actually feel sorry for him. With that said, I highly suggest searching the film out. It is one of those films that one must experience before one dies, just so they can say "yes I have seen that film". Besides, after seeing Stallone's dance movies, how can you resist?

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog: A Cinematic Slice Of Cheese.

In this blog I will celebrate the wonders that is really bad cinema, from the small indie films that are mind numbingly bad to the big studio releases that smell worse than a hot Yeti's ass. So check back here often to satisfy your cinematic cheese cravings.